Fear

It always surprises me when I get on my bicycle and I feel a bit of anxiety. I've been riding since I was five years old, never had more than a minor fall, never been injured riding, yet the anxiety is there. When I take the time to listen to it, it's saying 'what if you can't keep up with everyone,' 'what if you can't get your foot out of the clips in time and you fall,' 'what if you want to turn around before everyone else and they think you're a wimp,' and on and on. In the past I've spent quite a bit of time talking myself out of each statement, only to find the next time I get on the bike those voices are with me once again. How silly is that?

The same voices show up even when I go to an indoor cycling class where the odds of falling off are remote, to say the least. I know I can choose to ride at whatever pace I want and no one will know the difference. I can even pretend to adjust the resistance to look like I am pedaling up the same steep hill as everyone else and they are none the wiser. Yet the fear comes with me. It was there this morning when I thought about joining a new strength training class at my gym...'what if I can't do it?' 'what if I look stupid?' I went anyway.

The voices follow me into other areas as well...every time I start off on a run, every time I climb on the back of the motorcycle with Terry, as well as when I get on my own scooter to ride solo. And not just in athletic arenas...those voices pop into my head before I meet someone new, or have to call a potential client, even when they called me first. They show up all over the place, uninvited and unwelcome.

The fear comes with me, even knowing I am competent and capable. Even with all my years of experience successfully navigating difficult situations and surviving them with perhaps a few scars and some good stories to tell. I've finally quit wondering when the voices will stop and I will be able to hop onto the bike with only silence as my companion.

My prediction? Never. Clients come to me all the time wanting their anxiety to go away. How in the world can I help them eliminate something that shows up so regularly for me? I've stopped bothering trying. Instead, I share what I have learned...to give up the struggle and find room for the fear to just tag along, the pesky younger sibling who won't quit hanging around.

And what have I discovered? Sometimes that pesky sibling fades into the background, and other times it offers some amusing, unexpected insights. But mostly I've discovered that it's easier to let it be than to spend my energy fighting it. So now when I get on the bike I invite the anxiety to ride along with me if it wants to, and instead focus my energy on getting myself settled in for a nice ride, breathing in the fresh air, and noticing the sights and sounds around me. Makes for a much better ride.